is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I want to fling myself into the sun
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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