She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
