Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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