I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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