3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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