dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
