remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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