420 ftw
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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