Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
