Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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