can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
