my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
