When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
