New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
tell me about the fingering
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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