note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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