Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
