He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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