my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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