One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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