I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I deserve to be covered in dicks
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
