She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize