Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im part way to drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
