"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
