she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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