You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
