I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
