And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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