He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love having hate sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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