I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
