my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
