what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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