nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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