Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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