This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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