i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
