wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
