cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
