How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
