just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
