I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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