I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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