apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
