Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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