I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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