haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
