I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
