you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
