in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
