That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize