All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
