i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize