Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
