Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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