dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
