Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
