READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
