The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
