I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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