he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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