somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need moral support for this bender
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
