please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
