thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
