it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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