Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
