I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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