I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
