Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
