We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
