I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
