you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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