he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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