zippers are such a cool invention
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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