Just fell off a train. Bad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
