omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
