just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
