If that was your dad, he is hot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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