I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
